Head set on…Plugged in…Listening to relaxing music blended with the monotone drone of the engines…and flying high like The Great Duck In The Sky. At 36,000 feet to be precise. Just another 3 1/2 hours and I’ll be landing in the ocean side paradise of San Diego. Good time for a Sunday duckisode.
My 6 AM rise and shine was more like a leap out of bed half conscious and panic-stricken as I flung the last of my stuff into the suitcase before the taxi got too heavy on the horn. Even Miss What-me-hyper Lola lay there paws up in her spread eagle contorted sleeping position with one eye open telepathically communicating her displeasure at having her beauty sleep cut short.
Early mornings don’t agree with either of us so of course focus is a challenge. When I return there will likely be a few fuzzy organisms slinking around the garbage I forgot to take out. I didn’t want to be chased by an angry bird with a frying pan and tighty whities, so I put a soft-footed wiggle on it and snuck out the building just as the cab arrived, camera in hand just in case.
Now I’m sitting in the dreaded middle seat of row 19 sipping echinacea tea in a ceramic mug I brought from home. The setting is less than inspiring when it comes to writing something profound. You’d think that being closer to the universe might pull down some divine poetry but all I see when I look out the window is a yellow wing.
A what? It can’t be.
I reach over the woman sleeping in the seat next to me, lift the window shade, and yes there is a yellow wing attached to a duck standing in crow’s pose at the front edge of the wing of the aircraft. Her face feathers flap in the high winds deforming her duckly mug yet she remains planted and focused on her mission which, if you’ve been following the duckisodes since The Ducks Are Quacking, you know all about.
But where is she going to drop that golden egg for me?
She steps back, does a front snap kick, pivots a quarter turn, throws 3 quick jabs, then lets out a piercing “KIAI!” Her intense beady black eyes stare right through me as she drops her payload. It’s the shiniest one yet.
Hang a sec. Is this a challenge? Who does she think she is defying the laws of physics with some fancy Kung Fu? Duck Norris?
Her eyes are still fixed on me as if to say: “You’ve been wanting this for years so come and get it.”
No way! She is nuts! I’m not going out on a wing to spar with a maniacal ninja duck. She can keep that golden egg…Oh-oh. I think she heard me.
The ruffled ninja retreats into a square duck stance, holds her wing face up, and curls her feather tips a few times towards her.
Sorry. I’ll pass. I shut the blind and crank up the tunes. But no one dares ignore Duck Norris.
Feet flap at the window in Morse code. “What have we here? Buckling in the face of a challenge? Perhaps a little dose of urgency then?”
The captain announces that we’ve hit a patch of unexpected turbulence. Turbulence? I’m sure. My tea goes flying as the plane tilts to the left. My neighbor wakes up startled and lifts the blind to peak at the source of the shaking.
The fearless fowl is running back and forth along the wing slamming flying sidekicks into the side of the plane.
All of a sudden, life isn’t quite that comfortable any more. If I don’t do something everyone’s dreams will die along with mine. There are no hulls too thick for Duck Norris.
“Time to free your mind, Karen, and Go With Your Duck,” quacks my inner duck. I reach for my black headband and slip out the exit while the passengers grope for the air bags and strap themselves in tight.
We bow and the contest begins. She jabs, I block. She kicks, I counter. She quacks like a duck in a stovetop casserole. I pull out the big lungs. She flaps everything she can at me to test whether I’m ready for it.
A few times I even teeter on the wing’s edge but as long as I keep that golden egg in sight I manage to bend the laws of physics myself as the passengers look on and gasp in amazement.
With my eye squarely on the prize, a momentary opening in my periphery presents itself. I aim a quick light hook kick right on the mark and accomplish the impossible. She didn’t even see it coming. Duck Norris goes flying (quite literally) and my golden dream is now within my reach.
I’m not waiting for the ninja duck to stalk me again so I grab the egg and pull out the message inside.
“Attack the ninja that is within yourself, rather than attack the ninjas you imagine in others.” — Confusciduck
Is there a ninja standing in the way of your dreams? Yes?
Great! That means you’re on the verge of a breakthrough and impending success. Ninjas only show up for worthy opponents. The pushovers bore them.
So count yourself worthy. Belt out that battle cry. KIAI !!!